


Living Scared, Loving Hard

by skaternaut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-02-22 06:33:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2498108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaternaut/pseuds/skaternaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's back, but he doesn't speak.<br/>Tony's nightmares are back too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Living Scared

**Author's Note:**

> Aye so I'm obsessed with Bucky/Tony and I wanted more of it...so I wrote more of it lol.  
> Lemme know what yah think and while you're at it follow me on tumblr for a good time.
> 
> http://skaternaut.tumblr.com/

It's been 2 months since Bucky was found and brought back to Avengers Tower.

Bucky hasn't spoken at all since he was found.

Not a word has left his mouth. When Steve and Sam discovered him in Boston he came with only slight hesitation. He arrived at the tower, was given a tour, introduced to the rest of the gang, shown his room, and that was that. He was ordered by S.H.I.E.L.D. to attend weekly therapy sessions, which he does, but he never speaks.

~*~

Today was just like every other day in the Avengers Tower. Except today Tony decided to join the team for breakfast, which is rare to say the least. Bruce was sitting at the table, as per usual, reading the paper on his Stark Pad, Natasha and Clint were out eating their breakfast on the balcony, Sam and Steve were sitting at the table with Bruce discussing support group events, and Thor was snoozing on the couch. Bucky, as usual, was sitting at the breakfast bar quietly eating his cereal, when Tony strolled in and headed straight for the coffee machine.

"Nice of you to join us Tony, how long has it been now...three days?" Steve sarcastically greeted Tony.

"76 hours actually. Thanks for caring."

"Caring? Tony we tried to get you out of there at least 10 times. Jarvis told us you went on blackout mode. We weren't allowed in unless your vitals dropped below 50%!" Steve had been trying to get Tony out of his lab all weekend but to no avail. Sometimes he was too stubborn for his own good.

"I've been awake for longer Spangles, no need to get your tights in a bunch."

"Tony, I don't wear tights, I wear a combat uniform. It's made of Kevlar."

"Whatever you say Spangles."

"Hey, you two, stop fighting. I've lived here a total of 4 months and it's already getting old." Sam hates in when they get into their stupid little fights. He can't even imagine how it was when Steve and Tony had hated each other. At least now they tolerated each other.

"Clint and I are going to go train. Steve do you want to spar with me while Sam and Clint do their bird thing?" Natasha asks as her and Clint entered the kitchen and placed their dishes in the dishwasher.

"Sure Nat, hey Bucky you want to join us?" Steve inquires only to be answered with absolutely no reaction whatsoever. "Alright Buck, well if you need me I'll be in the gym." Bucky wouldn't need him.

At this point Sam, Steve, Clint and Natasha were heading for the elevator when Bruce stood up and announced he was going to head down to his private lab to run some tests. The only people were left in the kitchen were Bucky, who was still sitting at the breakfast bar with his empty bowl of cereal in front on him, Tony, who by now had had at least 6 cups of coffee, and Thor, who, seeing as he had gotten back from Asgard at 3 that morning, wouldn't be waking up anytime soon. Seeing as Thor was sleeping and Bucky never spoke to anyone, Tony decided to get some sleep after being awake for 76 hours straight. He left Bucky in the kitchen with a nod and headed up to his apartment.

~*~

He was in the cave again. It was dark and damp and his arc reactor was gone, the car battery was back in its place. There was banging on the door and he knew they were back to torture him until he said yes to building the Jericho missile. He started to hyperventilate, and he couldn't stop shaking. They were in the room now and two guards had him by the arms and were holding him in place as the leader repeatedly punched him in the stomach. They were bringing the water bucket and Tony started to scream. He couldn't get dunked again. If they did it as long as they had last time he would surely drown. He still hadn't caught his breath after the beating he had just gotten and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold his breath for very long. This was it, he thought, he's going to drown in a bucket of water surrounded by a bunch of terrorists. He screamed his heart out hoping somehow, maybe, someone would hear him. As his head started being pushed towards the water, he felt something on his stomach. It felt as though someone was rubbing it back and forth, as if trying to shake him. His head hit the water as he continued to scream.

Tony sat bolt upright in bed. He was covered head to toe in sweat, he was screaming, and his face was soaked with tears. It took him a few seconds to realize he was back in his bedroom and he wasn't in any danger. He blinked the tears out of his eyes and relaxed a bit and finally realized someone was sitting beside him holding him and rubbing circles on his back to help him calm down. He sat back for a moment enjoying the soothing movements, not caring who it was coming from. After he got his breathing under control and had wiped the tears off of his face he looked to his left and was surprised, to say the least, to see Bucky sitting beside him with his eyes full of concern. In the two months Bucky had been at the Tower he hadn't spoken or acknowledged anyone, much less come in physical contact with them. Tony wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't exactly embarrassed but he didn't feel totally comfortable either. He hated people seeing him at his lowest.

"I'm okay now. Just a...bad dream...that's all, if you know what I mean. I just- they happen pretty much every time I fall asleep. That's why I pretty much try to avoid sleep for the most part. Some are worse than others...today was....worse." Tony finishes hoping Bucky won't think any less of him because of what just happened. Rather than getting up and leaving like Tony half expected Bucky to do, Bucky simply leaned in closer and embraced Tony in a gentle side hug. It was a really comforting gesture and Tony had to fight the urge to ask him to stay like that. Tony turned his head to look at Bucky and Bucky looked back with sentiment and understanding in his eyes. A moment later Bucky gave Tony's back one last pat before standing up and giving a small wave before heading for the door.

"Hey Bucky?" Tony called after him. Bucky stopped at the door and turned to face Tony. "Thank you for this. I mean it, you helped a lot. Thank you." Bucky replied with a wide but timid smile, then turned and left the room.

~*~

Bucky had just been aimlessly roaming the tower when he heard screaming. Considering he was in the emergency stairwell and he happened to be right outside Tony's floor he guessed that's where it was coming from. He tentatively entered the apartment and the screaming increased in volume. He sped up, heading toward the screams which sounded as though they were coming from Tony's room. He knocked, but the screams only continued. He entered the room to find Tony sprawled across the bed with all his limbs tangled in the sheets, covered in sweat, with tears flowing from his eyes. He immediately recognized that Tony was having a PTSD nightmare. Bucky had had enough of those to know what one looked like. He crossed the room to the bed where he quickly but gently placed his flesh hand onto Tony's stomach and rubbed back and forth, trying to gently shake him awake. After a few rubs Tony began to stir, and suddenly he sat bolt upright. Bucky immediately dropped to the bed and started rubbing circles onto Tony's back trying to calm him down. Eventually Tony realized it was him and he looked a little surprised but nevertheless he began to explain the nature of his dream. Bucky listened intently to what Tony was saying, genuinely caring about what he had to say. He knew the feeling and it was never easy to wake up alone to one of those nightmares. Of course he himself had never had anyone there to comfort him but after hearing about what Tony had been put through he could almost relate to him. He was just happy to finally be able to be there for someone else this time. Then Tony thanked him, genuinely thanked him, and he could feel warmth spreading inside of him. After he left he decided to go to the kitchen to grab some lunch.

~*~

After Bucky left Tony decided to take a shower to clear his head and get his thoughts together. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, maybe three or four hours, but he couldn’t go back to bed and risk another flashback. They had been getting worse lately and he wasn’t sure why or how to deal with them. Now he tries to avoid sleep altogether, and the longer he stays awake, the more he starts to think maybe they won’t come back. But they do come back, and they come back worse than ever.

~*~

Just as Bucky was finishing up his lunch the rest of the team came in after their post training showers. Steve and Natasha were discussing sparring techniques while Sam and Clint were talking about bird things. Bruce walked in with Thor who must have woken up awhile ago and made his way down to Bruce’s lab. Tony came down in the elevator a few minutes later and went straight for the coffee maker. Everyone was at the table eating while Bucky was at the breakfast bar and Tony was standing at the counter. 

“Tony I thought you were going to get some sleep? It’s only been four hours! You need to go back to bed.” Steve said to Tony sounding concerned.

“I’m not tired Spangles, leave me alone.”

“Tony I don’t care if you’re not tired I really think you should go back to sle-”

“I told you I’m not tired. I’ve slept enough for today okay?”

“Tony-”

“I’M NOT GOING BACK TO SLEEP STEVE! I CAN’T GO BACK TO THE CAVE TODAY. NOT AGAIN.” Tony screamed grabbing the attention of everyone else. His breathing was ragged and his face was red, his hands were in fists by his sides and there were tears rimming his eyes. During his outburst his coffee mug had fallen off the counter and shattered on the tile floor. Everyone was silent and staring at him, all except Bucky who had silently started to pick up the shattered pieces of the mug and cleaned up the floor. After he was done he wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulder and led him out of the room and into the elevator. The rest of the team was shocked; Bucky never interacted with them, so to witness what he just did came as a surprise to everyone. No one knew what to do.

~*~

When they got in the elevator, Bucky hit the button for Tony’s floor. Tony was still tense and you could tell he was trying not to cry. When they reached Tony’s floor he lead Tony to the couch where he placed him in between his legs and hugged him from behind. Tony burst into tears, making his breathing quicken even more. He was a mess, but Bucky knew how it felt. After being kidnapped by Hydra and being tortured and mentally un-done he had had many nights where he would have flashbacks to when they were testing the arm, or when they would beat him if he hadn’t completed his mission following the specific guidelines. The worst one he ever got was when they ripped his bionic arm off after he failed a mission. It screwed up his nerve endings and the feeling in his arm had never been the same. 

Tony was still shaking and crying hard. He spun around in Bucky’s lap and wrapped his arms around the silent man’s neck and cried into his shoulder. Bucky wrapped his arms around the shorter mans back and rubbed circles on it. Bucky, for the first time in months, years even, wanted to speak. He wanted to ask Tony how long the nightmares had been happening. What they were about. He wanted to let him know it was okay, that he could relate. For now though, it was enough to just hold him as he let all of his pain out. Bucky sat back with back against the couch’s armrest and put his feet up on the opposite end of the couch. Tony was lying face down on top of him still holding on to Bucky, and he was still crying but it seemed like he was starting to calm down some. Bucky just continued to rub his back with his other hand on the back of Tony’s head holding him against his chest.

~*~

After Tony’s shower he decided to grab some more coffee to keep him awake, considering he was running on little sleep. When he entered to kitchen everyone was at the table and Bucky was sitting in his usual spot at the breakfast bar. Of course when Steve realized Tony was awake again he began his usual pestering about how he needed to get more sleep. He simply made up an excuse and shrugged it off like usual but Steve kept it up. Today was not the day to do this, after Tony’s nightmare that morning he couldn’t think about sleep for a few more days at least. He was too afraid to go back he just couldn’t do it. Steve kept up his pestering and Tony cracked. He could feel his whole body tense up as he screamed at Steve. His hands were at fists by his sides and his breathing was heavy. He could feel the tears rimming his eyes and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold them in. He was ready to break down, give up. As a result of his outburst his coffee mug had hit the ground and shattered. He sees someone get up to clean the mess but he’s too preoccupied to realize who it is. When they are done they walk over and wrap their arm around him and walk him to the elevator. Right as they reach his floor he realizes his hero is Bucky. He leads him to the coach and Tony finally breaks. He wraps his arms around Bucky and his walls come crumbling down. Every feeling he’s ever bottled up inside came crashing out in the form of tears. He hated breaking down like this in front of other people, it made him feel weak. He was supposed to be “snarky genius Tony Stark” not “broken baby Tony Stark”. Had he been told yesterday that today he would be lying on top of an ex-assassin who never speaks crying his eyes out he would have looked that person right in the eye and laughed in their face. He never expected Bucky to be as comforting as he is. He just has an aura about him that helps Tony calm down. His gestures are gentle and soothing, and since he never speaks Tony didn’t have to worry about the prying questions he wasn’t quite ready for yet. For now he just wanted to let it all out wrapped up in Bucky’s comforting arms. Most of all he wanted to sleep, and as much as he wanted to fight it he couldn’t anymore. He just hoped the nightmares would give him a break just this once.

~*~

After about a half an hour of crying and ragged breathing Tony became still and his breathing had picked up a rhythmic pace. He had fallen asleep. Bucky was hoping he would, he knew Tony really needed the sleep and as much as he knew Tony was afraid of going to sleep he hoped this time would be better and he wouldn’t have any nightmares. He didn’t care in the slightest that his shirt and chest were soaked from all of Tony’s tears. With Tony curled up in a ball on his lap with his head laying on his chest, Bucky thought now was as good a time as ever for a nap. He wrapped his arms around Tony’s sleeping figure and fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

~*~

When Bucky woke up he looked at the clock to see that it was now 10:00 pm. They had fallen asleep at about 3 in the afternoon so they had been sleeping for about 7 hours now. Bucky was surprised he had slept that long. Tony was still on top of Bucky, but he had wormed his arms around Bucky’s chest and had his head resting right over the larger man’s heart. Bucky sat there for a few minutes gazing at the smaller man when he began to stir. He stretched his limbs and then slowly opened both eyes, staring straight into Bucky’s. They had a silent conversation with their eyes, where all apologies and bouts of gratitude were exchanged, and they knew no words had to be said about the situation. It would simply be left were it was, a mutual recognition of the situation. Bucky wrapped his arms around Tony’s middle and they both stood up in a tight embrace. They stood in the comfortable embrace for a few minutes before Bucky pulled back and laid a single kiss upon Tony’s forehead before wrapping his arm around Tony’s shoulders and leading him to his bathroom. Bucky turned on Tony’s shower before giving him one last gentle squeeze before leaving Tony to clean himself up.

Bucky retreated to his own apartment to shower and change out of his tear stained shirt. As he was undressing to get into his shower he saw himself out of the corner of his eye in the vanity mirror. He hadn’t exactly seen himself in quite a long time; he was always too preoccupied with his thoughts to stop and look at himself. For the first time in at least a year he took a good look at his appearance, taking everything in. His hair was longer than he thought and his face was covered in stubble. His eyes were rimmed with dark bags from lack of sleep, and probably lack of smiling. He felt like he was looking at a stranger. This was not the Bucky he knew, this was Hydra’s creation. He suddenly didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin anymore. Slowly, he reached below the sink in the cabinet and pulled out his electric clippers and gave himself his familiar cut; longer on the top and shorter on the sides. He then got his electric beard trimmer out and got rid of all the stubble and cleaned up his sideburns. When he was done he inspected himself in the mirror. He looked like he was back in Brooklyn, standing in the mirror of his childhood home. He felt more like himself than ever before. He quickly cleaned all the hair up off of the floor and out of the sink and got in the shower, making sure to scrub every part of his body clean. He got out and dried off, combing his hair the way he used to. As he was getting dressed he decided to choose something other than his black sweatpants and black t-shirt that he had been wearing the whole 2 months he had been here. Once Tony realized that’s all he would wear he ordered a whole closet of them so he didn’t have to constantly do the wash. Instead, Bucky decided on some black jeans and a white AC/DC shirt he found in his closet. He felt the need to start fresh, and he thought this should be his first step. New look, New Bucky.

~*~

When Bucky finished getting dressed he decided to head back up to Tony’s apartment to see how he was doing. When he got up there he heard Tony call out, presumably after hearing the ding of the elevator.

“Whoever that is I’ll be out in a sec, just got to get dressed!”

Bucky walked over to the couch he had been sleeping on earlier and sat with his back against the back of the couch and put his feet up, tucking his knees to his chin and wrapping his arms around his legs. His head felt weird from his new haircut but he knew he’d be used to it by tomorrow. His face was smoother than it had been in a long time and it felt good. Besides his bionic arm, he looked exactly like he did back in the 40’s. He hadn’t really thought about how the team would react to his new look but he didn’t really care either, he felt good and that’s all that mattered to him. Actually, that was a lie, he semi-cared what Tony thought about his new look. At that moment he could hear footsteps coming from the hallway. Tony rounded the corner in some blue jeans and a black long sleeve Black Sabbath tee. He looked a lot better than he had earlier. His hair was styled like usual and his goatee was freshly trimmed. The black rims around his eyes were lighter than they had been, considering he had gotten 7 hours of peaceful sleep that evening. When Tony looked up and finally saw him sitting there, Bucky got up and rubbed his palms on his legs before putting his arms out as if to signify “How do I look?”

~*~

When Tony woke up he stretched out, realizing he was still on top of Bucky. He slowly opened his eyes to see Bucky’s staring back at him. No words were spoken; they had the entire conversation with their eyes. Tony was grateful for this silent agreement, because he didn’t think he would be able to find his voice quite yet. Bucky wrapped his arms around his middle and they both stood up in a tight hug. They held each other for a few moments before Bucky pulled away slightly and placed a single kiss on Tony’s forehead. He tried his best to hide his blush, which wasn’t hard considering his face was still slightly red and puffy from crying earlier in the day. Bucky then wrapped his arms around his shoulders and lead him into his bathroom where he turned on his shower, signifying Tony’s need to get cleaned up, and exited the room with one last gentle side hug.  
After Tony had cleaned himself and shaved for the first time in a few days he heard the elevator ding, signifying someone had arrived at his floor. He called out that he had to get dressed and that he’d be right out. He threw on a pair of blue jeans and his black long sleeve Black Sabbath tee and headed out to the living room. He turned the corner and momentarily thought there was a stranger sitting on his couch with their knees tucked up under their chin. Only after the man had stood up and looked at him with expectant eyes did he realize that it was a clean shaven Bucky Barnes with a new- short- haircut. He put his arms out from his sides as if to ask “How do I look?" He was wearing dark black skinny jeans with a white AC/DC shirt. He looked fantastic to say the least.

“I like the new look.” Tony said in response. Bucky smiled, seemingly happy with the reaction he received. “Hey so I was thinking, you can say no, but I was wondering if I could maybe call you James instead?” Tony asked. He’d been thinking about it and he liked it better than the name ‘Bucky’.

Bucky stood there for a moment before walking over to Tony and hugging him.

“I’d like that a lot Tony.”


	2. Loving Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry took me so long, school got in the way haha.

They stood there for a moment longer before Bucky spoke up for the second time in about a year; he had forgotten the sound of his own voice.

“Hey Tony?”

“Yeah James?”

“Can we maybe go get something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Of course we can. I know the perfect place to get some quality food at 11:30 at night, let’s get going.”

With that they grabbed their sweatshirts and entered the elevator. They rode in a comfortable silence towards the lobby. Despite the wide elevator they stood close together with their hands in their sweatshirt pockets, occasionally brushing their arms together. When they reached the lobby they skirted their way along the wall to the side exit so as to not be spotted by anyone. Once they made it out of the building Tony lead the way down the dark streets of New York City at 11:30 at night. The silence they walked in could only be described as incredibly comfortable and just as in elevator they walked close to each other, despite the vast amount of empty sidewalk on either side of them. Bucky made sure to always stay on Tony’s left; he preferred his real arm to his bionic one when not in combat.

Finally they came upon small diner on a street corner to which they promptly entered and were seated in one smooth motion. The waitress had hardly reached the table when Tony spoke up asking for the “usual” and had her swiftly turning on her heal back toward the kitchen. They sat in the back corner of the diner facing each other with their hands on the table in front of them. Within minutes the waitress was back with two chocolate milkshakes, two cheeseburgers, and two heaping plates of french fries. They ate in silence enjoying their food, which seemed to be their thing, silence, that is. When they were finished Tony took a wad of cash out of his wallet, set it on the table, and they left. When they got outside Tony headed to the left, the opposite direction of the tower, and Bucky followed. 

“Tony, where are we going?” Bucky asked in a small voice.

Without replying Tony slipped his left hand into Bucky’s right and intertwined their fingers. They walked like this, pressed up next to each other, for a few blocks before Tony veered off into a park on the left. Tony then led the way down the narrow path, leading to a swing set. About halfway to the swing set Tony stopped and looked up at Bucky.

“Last one there’s a weenie” and with that Tony detangled his hand from Bucky’s and made a beeline for the swings. Bucky reacted a second later, making it there just after Tony did, meaning Bucky was a weenie. Tony sat down on a swing and just as Bucky was about to take his own seat Tony pleaded at him.

“Jamesssss, push meeeee!”

Bucky chuckled and went around behind Tony and put both hands on his lower back. He had to be careful not to push him totally off of the swing, sometimes his strength got ahead of him, having a metal arm and all. He started off easy, with little pushes to get him going, which in turn led to full on pushing until Tony was flying through the air. At that point Bucky stopped pushing him and got onto his own swing, moving his body back and forth and swinging his legs to try and get as high as Tony. When he finally caught up to Tony they had a contest to see who could go higher, laughing the whole time. They slowed until their feet touched the ground and swayed back and forth listening to the nightly sounds of the city. Bucky looked over at Tony, who was watching the stars, and studied his face in the moonlight. Tony looked over to see Bucky gazing at him, and they stayed that way for a while. Bucky stuck his right hand out for Tony to grab, and he did. They sat enjoying each other for a bit before Bucky stood up, gently tugging Tony up with him, wanting to head back home. They walked the city streets in silence, hands and finger entwined. They snuck back into the tower and took the elevator up to Tony’s floor. 

Tony dragged Bucky into his room and to the closet where he grabbed two pairs of pajama pants and two t-shirts. Bucky went into Tony’s bathroom to change, when he was done he walked out and climbed into Tony’s bed getting comfortable under the covers. Tony entered the room a minute later and climbed into bed beside Bucky, wrapping his arm around Bucky’s stomach and lying his head on his chest. Their eyes locked as they lay there, Bucky running his hand left hand through Tony’s hair while his right hand was on Tony’s bicep gently rubbing up and down. Tony’s eyes started to slip shut and his left hand came up to grab Bucky’s right. 

“Don’t let them come back James. Please don’t let the nightmares come back.”

“I won’t Tony. I promise I won’t let them come back.”

Bucky leaned down and placed a single kiss onto Tony’s forehead and he fell asleep.

~*~

When they woke up it was 8 AM. They had made it through the night, and Tony didn’t have any nightmares. They got up and headed down to the community kitchen to get some breakfast. Tony went to get his usual coffee and Bucky grabbed some cereal before sitting in his usual spot. Everyone else was there, all in their usual spots talking to the usual people. When Tony and Bucky entered the kitchen the first thing everyone noticed was Bucky’s new look. Everyone got momentarily silent before Steve decided to speak up.

“Morning Buck, I like the new look. You look like you did when we were kids.”

“Yeah Buck you look good man.” Clint added while Natasha and Sam nodded in agreement.

“No longer are we long haired brethren, but I do have to say you look quite good my friend.” Thor added. Bruce simply nodded in agreement with everyone else. 

Bucky didn’t respond, he didn’t exactly enjoy the attention. Everyone went back to what they were doing and he finished his breakfast in peace. When he was finished Steve spoke up again.

“Bucky we’re going to go train some more today, mainly focusing on hand to hand. Want to join us?”

“Actually I was going to take James down to my workshop to show him a few things, right James?” Tony cut in.

Everyone was silent again; it had been the first time Tony had spoken all morning.

“James?” Steve questioned, not knowing how Tony had achieved real first name basis with Bucky. “Anyways, Bucky do you want to come with us?”

Bucky looked over at the rest of the team, actually acknowledging them for the first time since meeting them.

“Like Tony said, he’s taking me down to his workshop.” Bucky replied, surprising everyone but Tony.

He then stood and put his arm around Tony’s shoulder and they walked to the elevator.

~*~

 

The rest of the team went to the gym; so far they hadn’t done much more than watch Steve beat away at countless punching bags while complaining about Tony and Bucky.

“James? Since when are they all buddy buddy? I’ve known Buck since birth and he’s never once let me call him James! Well granted I never tried calling him James…but that’s not the point! Suddenly Tony comes along and starts waltzing around with him and starts calling him James like they’ve known each other their whole lives, and now he speaks! I thought he was dead. Then he comes back and I thought the least he would do was speak to me before anyone else. He knows he can tell me anything. HE. KNOWS.” With those last two words another punching bag detached from the ceiling and landed in a heap across the room next to the countless other ones. It’s not that Steve was jealous, (only slightly), he was more hurt. He thought for sure when Bucky was ready to talk he would be the first person he would come to.

“Steve I don’t think you understand how hard this has been on him. Not everyone is as resilient as you were when you found out you were asleep for seventy years.” Natasha consoled.

“I know that Nat, but I thought he would at least come to me first, we grew up together you know. He’s only known Tony for what? 2 months? I don’t think I’m invalid in feeling hurt right now.”

“No, you’re right, you’re not invalid in feeling hurt, but you need to understand that Bucky and Tony share similar experiences.”

“Similar experiences?! Bucky was brainwashed! Used! They turned him into a pawn for their own games, a monster. Tony’s just a spoiled playboy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got some shrapnel in his chest from a close proximity explosive.” The others went silent.

“Steve, did you ever read Tony’s extensive file?” Nat asked.

“No, I only read the brief summary. He was in the middle east doing a weapons demonstration when an explosive detonated too close. There’s some shrapnel in his chest and so he made that thing to keep it where it is, right?” The other three looked at each other with dumbfounded faces. 

“Steve, buddy, I don’t know where you read that but you’re sadly mistaken. Your version is heaven compared to the real story. I think you need to read that file.” Clint moved to grab his Stark Tablet from his gym bag. He opened up the SHIELD files and found Tony’s, he handed it to Steve.”We’ll leave you to it, it’s not what you would call a light read.” With that Clint, Nat and Sam left the gym to leave Steve to his reading.

~*~

Steve felt like a dick to say the least. He had no idea how extensive the torture Tony had received was. He couldn’t imagine being subject to that sort of thing and coming out and being as confident and sarcastic as Tony was. He always just assumed Tony had bad nightmares, he never realized they were because of his PTSD. Then there was his arc reactor; if it wasn’t there Tony would be dead. There were pieces of metal and shrapnel making their way towards his heart and that magnet in his chest was the only thing keeping the pieces where they were at. On top of it all a family friend betrayed him, which is what caused this entire heart ache. Everything made sense now; the reason why Stark Industries doesn’t manufacture weapons anymore, why Tony had nightmares about being in a cave, and more importantly why Tony has trust issues. Steve felt horrible now about how he had treated Tony since he met him. He had always just assumed he was some playboy in a suit of armor trying to get publicity with Iron Man. 

Now he understood what Natasha meant, Tony and Bucky did share similar experiences. Both had gotten kidnapped by the intended enemy, both had suffered a physical loss (Bucky lost his arm and Tony, well, has a hole in his chest), and both had been through countless days of torture and driven to slow madness (granted Bucky suffered for decades and Tony’s had lasted for about 3 months, but that’s not the point). They had both been used by the enemy and both most likely suffered from extreme PTSD. 

Sure Steve was still a bit jealous but not nearly as jealous as he had been a few hours before. He decided to accept it; he knew that they needed each other. No one should have to go through life alone and being able to sympathize with someone is a lot different than knowing how they feel. 

~*~

Tony and Bucky headed down to Tony’s workshop. Bucky had never seen been down there before and he was a little nervous. When Hydra had captured him they had locked him in a lab and done countless experiments on him, he was afraid being around all the science equipment would give him flashbacks. 

As they entered Bucky stopped in the doorway; there were machines everywhere. Lab reports littered the tables, trash was everywhere, and it looked too much like Hydra’s base. He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was choking, like they were shoving the mouthpiece into his mouth. The air felt suffocating and he started to sweat, he could feel a faint pain pulsating through his bionic arm. His legs felt heavy and he could see the lights bearing down on him. He felt something wrap around his middle and panicked. He started thrashing around and shouting. He could hear someone calling his name, except Hydra officers never called him by his real name.

“James! James! JAMES!” 

Bucky snapped out of it. He was back in Tony’s workshop, clutching the doorframe. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying, or how hard for that matter. His face was soaked with tears and the pressure from around his middle turned out to be Tony hugging him trying to calm him down. He un-pried his fingers from the doorframe, surprised his bionic arm hadn’t cracked the foundation, and wrapped his arms in turn around Tony.

“Hey, shh, hey it’s okay Buck it’s okay. It’s me, Tony, remember? We’re in my workshop, in the tower. Do you want me to let go?”

“NO. I mean no, no please don’t let go. I’m sorry Tony I didn’t mean to I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey look at me, it’s okay. You’ve seen me at my worst you have nothing to be ashamed of. Look at me.” Bucky raised his head from where it had been nestled into Tony’s neck and met his eyes. “There is no shame in what happened to us. It wasn’t our fault. There was nothing we can do okay? They used us for their own benefit and that by no means puts us at fault. We’re in this together okay? We have each other now alright Buck?” Bucky sucked in a breath and nodded into Tony’s shoulder. “You want to come back later? We can go back up to my floor now if you want.”

Bucky stuttered between breaths as he tried to calm down.

“I-I w-was wonderi-ing if you c-could f-f-fix my a-arm.”

Tony was surprised, he hadn’t seen anything aesthetically wrong with the arm, and Bucky’s functions seemed to be fine. He’d run a diagnostic on it.

“Sure bud. I’m going to have to run a quick diagnostic on it to find the problem.” Tony grabbed the nearest Stark Pad and scanned Bucky’s arm. A blue print of the arm popped up and Tony was surprised. This technology was far beyond any present day prosthetic, but it was understandable. He studied it for a few minutes before finding the problem. The nerve connections were fried and need to be replaced. He wasn’t even sure how Bucky had any feeling in his arm whatsoever seeing how bad the nerve endings were damaged. He walked over to his computer and typed up and coded the new nerve endings and sent them off to his productivity line. About a minute later Tony walked over to the machine and picked up the newly made nerve connectors and made his way back over to Bucky who was sitting in the corner on his window bench still trying to calm down. 

“Hey bud, so in order to repair the nerve connections I’m going to have to remove your arm. If you don’t want to do it today we don’t have to.”

“L-let’s just g-get it o-over w-with.”

“Ok, I figured you wouldn’t want to be strapped into anything or be able to feel the pain so I’m just going to connect these little wires to you okay? It’s something I designed myself, it sends a temporary numbing stimulant throughout the area without the need for complete anesthesia. Pretty cool huh?” 

Bucky nodded appreciatively as Tony started to stick the needle-like ends of the wires into his shoulder, he could hardly feel them. Once all the wires were connected Tony placed a hand flat onto Bucky’s chest and flipped a switch with the other to disperse the numbing stimulant. After about 2 minutes and few annoying beeps from the machine later Tony decided he was numb enough to painlessly remove the arm. 

“Alright Buck, I want you to look out the window and count down from ten for me. Once you reach one the arm will be off and you won’t feel a thing.” Bucky complied and gazed to his right out the large window looking out to the New York Skyline. He started at ten and slowly reached one. Once he did he turned to his left to anticipate the painful removal of the arm. No numbing had ever worked before so he knew it wouldn’t work this time. He looked up at Tony expectantly, except Tony wasn’t working the arm off, he was just standing there with a smile on his face and his hands in his pockets.

“Done.” Bucky was extremely confused.

“Done? Tony you d-didn’t even t-take the a-arm off-f.”

“Didn’t I though?” Tony held up the fried nerve connectors that were in there to begin with. Had Tony really just removed his arm and replaced the connections in ten seconds? He hadn’t felt a thing! “And I already turned off the numbing machine so we can remove those wires now.” A few minutes later he regained full feeling in his shoulder and he tried moving his arm. Sensations surged through his arm as he moved it around. His mobility was perfect, he ran his fingertips up and down his pant leg and he could feel the individual stitches in his jeans. The feeling was incredible; he temporarily forgot it wasn’t his flesh arm. He moved his fingertips from his jeans to his neck and his face, feeling every little thing. He looked up at Tony, reaching out to brush his fingertips against Tony’s beard, he could feel the stubble. Tony reached up and grabbed the metal hand in his own and pulled Bucky to his feet. “How does it feel?” Bucky didn’t know what to say.

“Amazing, more than amazing, just, awesome. It doesn’t even feel like it’s made of metal.”

“That’s what I was going for. Want to head up to my floor now? We could make some lunch.”

“Yeah that sounds great. I wonder what bread feels like with this thing…”

“I guess now’s the time to find out.” Tony smiled as Bucky took his right hand in his metal one as they walked to the elevator. 

~*~

Later that day the team met for dinner in the kitchen. Tony and Bucky had been napping up on the couch in Tony’s living room, Sam, Clint, and Natasha had been out running some errands, Bruce and Thor had been down in Bruce’s lab all day doing who knows what and Steve had been sitting around thinking and drawing all afternoon. It was a nice dinner, just some chicken and vegetables with some rice. Everyone got along nicely, Bucky sat on the corner so close to Tony he was practically in his lap, but he didn’t talk to anyone, just Tony. They talked about little things, like how the food tasted different now than it had seventy years ago, and how he needed some new clothes other than a bunch of black tees and sweats.

After dinner the team decided to have a movie night. Thor wasn’t allowed to choose the movie anymore after they had watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy at least three times. Steve and Bruce didn’t care what movie they watched but they were partial to Romantic Comedies. Clint and Nat mostly recommended foreign movies that only they would understand (Bucky probably understood them too but he never let it show), and Tony wasn’t a big movie watcher. Sam chose most of the time because they all agreed he had good taste. Today they were watching The Breakfast Club.

The living room furniture was set up in a horseshoe around the TV that was mounted above the fireplace. There were three couches; two smaller ones on either side and one longer one facing the TV. A loveseat was situated to the right of the TV between the longer and shorter couches, a coffee table sat in the middle of the room. After dinner everyone got changed into their pajamas headed to the living room to get settled in for the movie.

Nat and Clint curled up together on the loveseat while Bruce and Thor sat on the smaller couch to their right. Steve and Sam sat stretched out on the longer couch in front of the TV while Bucky sat on the smaller couch on the left with his back to the armrest and his feet stretched out along the length of the couch. Everyone was pretty much settled in and the movie was about to start. Just then Tony walked in wearing his oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants and sat down on the floor in front of Bucky’s couch. 

Confused, Bucky poked Tony on the top of his head and quirked his eyebrow. Tony simply smiled and turned back to the TV. So, Buck did it again, and this time Tony turned around with his eyebrow raised and put his finger up to his lips to tell Buck to be quiet because the movie was in the opening scene, before turning around. Then, Bucky decided he needed to take action. He wasn’t going to let Tony sit right in front of him on the floor looking like a squishy huggable marshmallow. He needed to hug him and put his face in the crook of his neck and watch everything EXCEPT for the movie. 

Without making a sound Bucky reached down and grabbed one of Tony’s hands out of his lap and used his left hand to put a finger under Tony’s chin and spin him to face him. Tony turned silently and looked Bucky in the eyes. Buck pulled on Tony’s hand while gently pushing his chin up to make Tony rise to his feet. Pulling Tony toward him, Buck wrapped his arms around his middle and sat him Tony down in his lap in one swift motion. Tony squeaked, making Bucky chuckle.

“Buck what was that all abo-”

“Shh Tony the movie is on.” Bucky smiled as he whispered.

“You could have just asked you know.”

“You weren’t paying attention to me I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Couldn’t take it? Am I THAT irresistible?”

“You look like a cuddly marshmallow. I couldn’t resist anymore, I needed a cuddle ASAP.” They whispered back and forth cutely, smiling at each other. There was no chance they could watch the movie now, they were too involved. The rest of the team gave them short glances, smiling about how the two men got along happily. A twinge of jealousy swept over Steve, but he quickly dismissed it. He had no reason to be jealous. He was just happy his best friend had found someone who made him happy.

“Stop looking at me like that or I might die of cuteness.”

“YOU might die of cuteness? Tony, I’m the one with a giant sleepy cuddly marshmallow in my lap that smells like cologne and shampoo. I might pass out this is too much.”

“Don’t bail now you big flirt. I’m starting to enjoy the view.”

“The feeling is mutual you know. You’re not exactly hard on the eyes Tony.”

“Did I mention how much I like your new look? I want to play with your hair; can I play with your hair?” Tony spun around so he and Bucky were chest to chest. Bucky adjusted himself so Tony was fully on his lap and wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist. They looked at each other fondly, Bucky plaining with the seam at the bottom of Tony’s t-shirt sticking out from below his sweatshirt while Tony tangled his fingers into Bucky’s new, short, fluffy hair. They didn’t speak for a while after that. They just sat there, in their own little world, looking at each other. The movie carried on, the others watching it, while Bucky and Tony just…sat. After a little while Tony stretched out and lay down on top of Bucky, his head right on top of the bigger man’s heart, and before the movie was even over Tony had drifted off to sleep. 

~*~

When the movie finally ended every one moved to go to bed. Thor and Bruce headed into the elevator towards their respective floors. Clint and Nat stood up hand in hand, obviously sleepy, while Sam and Steve moved to straighten up the living room before bed. 

“Need any help there Buck?” Steve asked in relation to the sleeping Tony curled up on top of him. Bucky simply scooped Tony into his arms before placing him gently onto the couch for a moment. Bucky took two quick strides until he was right in front of Steve and wrapped his arms around him. Steve was surprised but reciprocated quickly. They stood there for a few moments.

“I’m sorry Steve.”

“It’s okay Bucky. You just needed time. I’m glad you’re finally happy though Buck.”

“I should have come to you. I just didn’t know what to do and he was there and…I really like him Steve.”

“He really likes you too Buck.”

“You think?”

“You’re the first person he’s WANTED to be around in a very, very, long time Buck. He definitely likes you.”

“He deserves everything and more Steve. I know you two aren’t exactly friends but I hope you can come to realize that one day.”

“I’m on my way to realizing that Buck. He deserves you and you deserve him.”

“I love you Steve.”

“I love you too Buck. Now go take him to bed. Lord knows he needs it.” They separated and Bucky went over to Tony. He grabbed Tony’s arms and wrapped them around his own neck and put his hand underneath Tony’s thighs. Tony woke up slightly and wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist and crossed his ankles. He then tightened his arms around Bucky’s neck and snuggled his face into the crook of Bucky’s neck. Bucky turned to the rest of them who were still in the living room and smiled before heading into the elevator. Bucky hugged Tony tight while they ascended the tower towards Tony's floor.

“I really like you too Bucky.” Tony whispered into Bucky’s ear.

“Oh you heard that huh?”

“I was awake the whole time. I just wanted you to carry me upstairs.” Bucky pulled his head away to look at Tony. Tony took his face out of Bucky’s neck and leaned his forehead  
against Bucky’s. Bucky stepped out of the elevator into Tony’s apartment and let the elevator doors shut behind them.

“I’ll carry you to the ends of the earth Tony. Just promise me one thing will you?”

“Anything, just name it.”

“Don’t gain any more weight, or I won’t be able to carry you anymore.”

“Oh shut up and kiss me.” With that Tony leaned in a connected his lips with Bucky’s. The kiss could only be described as passionate; it was gentle but urgent, rushed but drawn out. Then and there, with Bucky’s back pressed up against the closed elevator door and Tony in his arms, his fingers tangled in Bucky’s hair, they became a unit. Bucky would never again be without Tony, and Tony would never have another sleepless night because Bucky would always be with him.

“Anthony Edward Stark, I love you with all my heart.”

“And I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

And that marks the day both of our main characters stopped living scared, and started loving hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This my friends, I'm afraid, is the scheduled end. Give me feedback on if you want another part or if you want just an epilogue or even more chapters and I'll take it all into consideration. This was so much fun to write so I would be happy to continue if that's what the people want.

**Author's Note:**

> So their will probs be a part 2 to this...I was just going to make it one part but I liked the way this sounded as an ending.  
> Anyways I realize this might suck but i wrote it during my free time at school so this is what you get.


End file.
